How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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