i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
