i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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