I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
