i would punch a child for taco bell
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
