Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
