Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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