Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
