We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
