Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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