I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
