dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
