Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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