I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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