I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
