It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
