Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The ass gains better be worth it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
