Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
