if i can run in heels then i can drive
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize