Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just high enough for therapy.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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