The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
