why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
