Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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