I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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