I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
