Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.