Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
