I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
