i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
