You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
