If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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