You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
