yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
