I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My boob is missing a layer of skin
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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