I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
