We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
