Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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