After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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