i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I believe in your delicious
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
