Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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