Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
