you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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