i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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