Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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