if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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