remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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