I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
