You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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