Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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