Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
