are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
