I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
