picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
being pregnant is like rehab
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
