Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
