he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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