My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
