Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
