you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
