I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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