I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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