The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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