You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
