I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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