just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
