Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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