you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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I think he fucked my hip out of place.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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