I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
