I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
