Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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