everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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