I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
