Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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