the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
These tits shall not be calmed
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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