Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
