Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
