So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My balls are so social today.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
